Blogs: Richard's job log: 19

Richard currently works in a Birmingham law firm, after completing a contemporary history degree. He’s thinking about a paralegal career, but also has media ambitions.

As 2012 lurches into view, some people seem to be taking every negative event on earth as a terrible portent of the end of the world. The stock market collapse. Then, of course, the Mayans were spot on. The eurozone has a cumulative debt of around $47,869trillion and approximately 48 hours to come up with the money. That’ll be the end of the world, then. The ratings for the X Factor are down. You get the picture.

If the harbingers of doom are correct and we are all doomed, I would like this blog to be considered more of a personal ad/CV rather than my usual nonsense. As such, below is a list of the jobs I would quite like should the world find itself in a Mad Max scenario (which it definitely will), rather than Terminator-style future doom. If everything does go a bit Skynet then we won’t have jobs as such, as we will all be dead. But anyway…

Warlord/Chieftain - Ideally I’d like to rule a clan of oddballs in a desert. I am presuming I will have sustained some degree of facial scarring in order to make me look intimidating. This scarring and my cache of devastating weaponry will help facilitate my acquisition of a large chunk of barren wasteland. We will call it ‘The Badlands’. Think desert tents and oil barrels on fire - that sort of thing.

Tech-wizard - I imagine that a few years after ‘The Great Doom’ we will have all given up the trappings of modern life, no more iPods/iPads, flat screen TVs etc. As such, I like the idea of being a technological magician. I’m thinking in the style of the recent Libyan rebels, last seen nailing bits of anti-aircraft cannons on to the backs of old Vauxhall Astras. Crafting my own weapons/vehicles could be a nice change of pace from working in admin, which, in fairness, isn’t quite as taxing.

Trader - last but not least I fancy the idea of being a trader. Taking my dusty caravan of goods around the parched, barren land offering former politicians’ heads in jars for only five credits. It would be great.

So there you have it, those would be my ideal jobs as and when everyone in Europe and/or the rest of the world starts blowing each other up.

In the interest of fairness, it would be remiss of me to only talk about the jobs I really do want in this post-apocalyptic world. As such, allow me to point out that I really don’t want to compete in a thunderdome and I absolutely DO NOT want to be a postman. That would be awful, just ask Kevin Costner.