PhD blog: 11
Graham Foster is a PhD student at the English Research Institute of Manchester Metropolitan University. He is researching how 9/11 affected North American literature. Failure is a part of research I’ve been trying to think of the correct word to describe the way I’ve been feeling for the last week. Upset is one. Frustrated is another. I think I would have to say I’m in a state of vexation. All of this because I received a letter last week from the English Research Institute saying that I had been unsuccessful in my funding application. I didn’t even get to the Dragon’s Den-style interview stage. I have been twisting my mind into knots, trying to come up with a reason this might be (as the department does not give reasons for their decisions). Last year, when my proposal was in a much more embryonic stage than now, I was shortlisted for interview, missing out on the funding by one place. This year I didn’t even make the shortlist of five (out of seven applicants). Maybe they read this blog and don’t like what I’m saying about PhD study…
It’s very easy to be angry about this, but the fact remains constant – I’m facing another year of unfunded study. So for all those people who said that I’m only doing a PhD because I’m scared of getting a ‘proper job’ – I’ve never worked harder in my life! So, now what are my options? What do I do now? 1. I could continue my PhD study at MMU as a part-time student. It would be another year of scraping the pennies together from assembled teaching work (if it’s available) and other part-time/freelance work. This is hard, as I have detailed in previous posts, and everyday is taken up with the search for money, so much so that it’s easy to let PhD work drift away and remain undone. 2. I could suspend my studies for twelve month, until September 2009 – once again applying for funding in April 2009. This would free me up to work full time in a job of my choice (or my employer’s choice, naturally), earning more money than I would if I took the part-time option. The problem with this is that, after a year of work, it feels like a cop out. It feels as if my PhD would just be put away and forgotten for a year, which is unacceptable for me. I also wouldn’t know what I would do for those twelve months – what possible job am I cut out for. You guessed it, retail. Well, been there done that… Right now, I don’t want to work in a shop. I want to do a PhD. 3. I could consider taking my project to another university, which would be offering a full bursary or a Graduate Teaching Assistant post. This would offer me a modest salary for three or four years while studying. I would also be able to apply for the AHRC (which I can’t do at MMU for various boring and complex reasons). This is an option, and there is no loyalty in this game. It is perfectly feasible for a student to move their study to a different institution if there is money there. The only problem is, for me, I have missed most of the deadlines. Some come up very late in the day (August, or so), but for now I see nothing on the horizon. 4. Another possibility is a career development loan. This would pay for my fees for the next few years, but would add to my student debt, which should be avoided at all costs if possible. After weighing up all the options, I have decided to carry on, for now, as a part-time student at MMU. It’s going to be another very tough year, but I’m ready for it. Giving up completely has never been an option – I would view it as chickening out, and a terrible waste of time and money (as I have paid for fees for this year). You have to be prepared for the obstacles, something I seem to have had more than most. I have a lot of fight in me and I really want a PhD, so I will spend another year counting pennies and desperately trying to save enough money to live – and pay my fees. Oh, to be one of those students that gets the funding, completes their thesis in three years and is jettisoned off into the world. It seems like a wild fantasy to me. If you see me in the street, feel free to throw a few coins into my coffee cup… Read Graham's previous blogs:Graham's other blog (on BlogSpot)
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