Jennysha's job log: 7
Jennysha Patel
- April 2009.
The story so far… Jennysha graduated two years ago, and it was a while before she figured out what she wanted to do. She is now looking for ways into publishing. Give me time I feel like I am in a race against time right now; to get this blog done, to get a job application completed (yes I know I have two part-time jobs and work 40 hours over seven days a week); to spend time with my almost-two-and-a-half-year-old cousin sister and make time for breaks, all right here, right now, today, and it’s already four in the afternoon. In fact, the same can be said for this entire week. I have had numerous time-sensitive tasks to complete (some of which have been self-taught) at the Bookshop during each of my shifts as I have pretty much been in charge for my section the last couple of weeks whilst my colleague, whom I normally work with, has been absent for personal reasons. I have had lots on my mind of what I need to do and what I should be doing and what I want to be doing. And, of course, there’s always general everyday life to deal with as well. My life, since working two part-time jobs, volunteering regularly, socialising and writing for this blog, has merged somewhat into what can only be rightfully described as a blur. You know those photos you see of cityscapes, for example Times Square or other ‘hustle and bustle’ destinations? All you can see is lots of colour and light and you get the general gist of what has been shot to film, but nothing is clear enough for you to actually see or state what is what. Well, that’s how my life feels and has felt since the beginning of this year. It is a good kind of busy, though. Sometimes you are busy doing lots of things and for whatever reason(s), it doesn’t feel good and it will eventually take its toll emotionally and physically: cue the bad times. But this, for now, for me, feels good. I am, in all fairness, doing what I want to do. And when I think about other ‘busy’ people, I know for a fact that I still have time to procrastinate and dilly-dally whereas they may not and I don’t even have to wake up at an absurd hour of the day. I am not a morning person, so this works great for me. A parting of the ways So since writing my last blog, where I concluded with that whole ‘everyday being different, situations changing and so on and so forth’, I once again realised that I really should learn to take my own advice. One day I was crying and feeling so low and the next I was pleasantly surprised and felt on top of the world. My feeling low was due to the realisation of my library job coming to an end. It is devastating, not just for me, but for my colleagues. Of course, they are losing a hardworking, cheerful and friendly worker. What more could you ask for? Joking aside, structural changes have affected most staff and their jobs so we are all feeling a little fragile at the moment. There are mixed messages and communication is inadequate. I am, on the whole, not keeping my hopes high, but am instead making each day that I work at the library, count. If it’s meant to be then I will find a way back there, but if not, I need to find a way to deal with this ‘wall’ that I have reached and review my current situation and develop coping mechanisms. I read a useful article in Psychology Today about what to do when faced with job loss and change and how to look at it more constructively so that it benefits you. What if? I guess that’s where this (new) job application comes in. You see, I always knew the library job was temporary and would end soon. In actuality, I should have finished at the end of March. However, management decisions meant that all temporary staff contracts were extended so I have some extra time, so to speak. I didn’t think I would want to look for another job. I envisaged myself continuing my part-time hours at the bookshop, maybe using the rest of my time to do a short course of some sort or purely working on my long-term career goals as well as getting back into my fitness regime and healthy lifestyle change - something which has been awfully neglected since starting my second job. Although, whilst in the right frame of mind one evening, I surfed the net and browsed a couple of my favourite sites for job vacancies. It was, however, on an undiscovered site that I found a position for a part-time job within the arts. It sounds pretty good. But I have this compulsive nature that switches to autopilot the minute I am faced with doing something new that is life-changing and a risk, in favour of current ways and my current life, even if that new thing could just be the thing that makes things all the better. Somewhere in the vastness of my head I can feel the presence of a willingness to just ‘go for it’, to ignore all ‘what ifs’ and to go with the flow and do as I feel, rather than hold back and constantly wait for goodness knows what. In true Jennysha-style, I am going to contradict myself once more and just go for it. Whatever will be will be. Well that’s the blog done… Read my previous job logs
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